Spending many years in the church ministry, I was faced with the never-ending questions about death. One that was ever present was do I cremate mom or dad or do I bury them? A small part of the ministry, like weddings, it was what we dealt with. I did my share of weddings, burials and cremations for church members and their families. Each one was an eye-opening teaching process.

The worst part of the “Funeral Process”, burial or cremation, was dealing with those who lost a child. Miscarriage, 3weeks, 7months, 2years, 5years, 9years, 22years, 41years old. None of them are easy by any measure of the imagination. Miscarriage to about 2 years of age were usually cremated. Not always, but more often than not. After two years of age, it was anybody’s guess about burial or cremation.

Cremation is by far the least expensive and the simplest. Burials, were usually filled with a lot of pomp and circumstance depending on the gender and age of the deceased and family politics. If a person was a community executive, all the stops were usually pulled for excessive political agendas. Let the show begin.

The problem I was faced with was many people looked to me, their spiritual partner, to make the burial or cremation decisions. Most pastors and Christian workers try to keep out of the decision-making process as best they can. Advice mode is usually best.

A notable item about the funeral or cremation services was etiquette. Few people know how to conduct themselves at a funeral, wake or service, or at a cremation service either at the time of death or shortly thereafter. I decided to investigate the subjects and write a small pamphlet covering the subjects. It turned out to be a booklet. I started out very simply, but the knowledge I had been asked for, over the years, amounted to more than a choice for one item, burial or cremation.

One major problem in the determining process is the legal issue. When the mom had expressed to one daughter her desire to be cremated. By the time the other sister and brother arrived for the “funeral”, the thought of stuffing mom into an oven and lighting the fire was deplorable. Now there were three people who did not agree on what to do with mom while the funeral director or coroner had her in a refrigerator.

It was costing several hundred dollars a week to keep her refrigerated until a decision is made. Many times, those decisions wind up going to court. I have a pre-death form for mom to sign that eliminates all the squabbling over burial or cremation, included in my booklet. Through my investigations, I have inserted a number of forms to alleviate many problems in the funeral process.

Items that are essential and usually overlooked or just totally ignored are presented for the reader’s consideration. The booklet is not a doctoral thesis on the subjects. Just a very sensible overview and resource for many specific subjects. Some of the specific subjects are;

  • Funeral – Cremation Process Education
  • Bereavement – Coping
  • Funeral Etiquette – Preplanning – Cost Issues
  • Child and/or Animal Loss
  • Organ – Body Donation – Travel Issues
  • Religion
  • Legal Issues – Legal Forms – Advanced Healthcare Directive
  • Veteran Burial/Cremation – National Cemeteries

Looking at and addressing the issues above, and more, will help to rescue you and your family from a long time of intense sorrow, anxiety, heartache and torment over the funeral process before, during and after they are gone. Not to mention the bereavement process and coping during and after the fact.

 

Address the Funeral Process clearly before you need to go through it.

Read the book, get the answers.